we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
