I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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