Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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