well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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