All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
vagina is talking i cant
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize