Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
