you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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