then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
