Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize