dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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