I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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