Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize