It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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