you guys were way drunker than both of me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i drank out of a bidet.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
