i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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