Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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