i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Couch. On fire.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
