i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
