The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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