Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
