Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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