so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
