So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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