your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
