He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
