What did we do last night that was yellow?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
