i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
