Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Porn is love you can see.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
