i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize