Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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