Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
