I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
