Michael Bay diarrhea
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
