You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
