I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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