if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
