I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
