Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Randomize
