as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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