billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize