i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
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