Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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