Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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