roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
This house was built for laser tag.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
