i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize