u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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