my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
you had me at cake vodka
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
