Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
