On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize