he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
