i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
