Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
