Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
