I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Duck Duck Cougar?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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