I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
