She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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