I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
