sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
3 2 1 whiskey
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
