I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
