I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just high enough for therapy.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
