Whod you bang
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
