i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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