i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
