I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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