Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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