You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
