so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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