I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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