I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
