how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
