I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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