i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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