I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
