you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
