What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
