She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
