i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
