Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
