woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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