Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
