Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
