i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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