it's not cheating when I paid for it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
