meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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