Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
