im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
