I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Oh god it's open bar.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
