Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
