So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
