no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
