You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
