i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
