Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
