I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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