Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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