he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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