I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
