there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
