If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
