So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
