I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
