so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
