his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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