According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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