do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I can't turn off my feet"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
