I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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