Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
