We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
