you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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